180 - Turning It Around

I'm pretty sure I nearly fell over. I looked away, then looked back down again. Yup, there it is - 180. The scale read 180 lbs.

Now, I've made an unofficial and small effort over the years to NOT care about what the scale said, (partially due to a history of anorexia) but rather, if I could look in the mirror and be happy - that was good enough for me. The Scale hitting 180 was the last straw for me.

Over the past few years my weight has slowly, but steadily crept upward. For a couple years I wavered around 155-160. No biggy. Then I moved and it wavered between 160, 165 and 170. No Problem right? I'm a tall gal.

Mid March was the down fall - and the creep upwards. I was having a miscarriage. (And don't believe what the preggo books say, you do NOT have to be in severe pain or bleeding severely when you have a miscarriage, just sayin') This was no ordinary miscarriage, this was the miscarriage that wanted to stay for as long as it could.

The oral tablets the doctors gave me to help my body clean house, did not work. We found this out two weeks after I took the supposed "easy" pills. March and April were a blur of doctors appointments, ultrasounds, ER staff, lots of emotional exhaustion and confusion. I ended up getting day surgery scheduled. I was to go in for a D&C to clear out what my body, and those pills, couldn't so far.

For a month and a half I chose McDonalds instead of homemade chicken, Miss Vickys Salt and Vinegar instead of salad and LOTS of chocolate instead of fruit. It helped give me a distraction and numb what I was feeling. Eventually, (a few weeks ago) I was ready to start eating healthy again, and take control. I played with the idea of getting a personal trainer. I decided that I should weigh myself before I took any futher steps.

Which leads me to here. With you reading this right now. I gained 15-20 lbs in the span of a month and a half to two months. HOW ON EARTH did this happen? More importantly, how long will it take me to lose it?

A woman possessed and determined to meet my goal, I started creating a plan. I (more or less) cut out junk food from my diet. I wrote a list of what my temptation foods were, what I could replace them with; made a commitment to walking every evening after dinner and getting in some physical activity in every day.

I went to the library to find a book unrelated to health/weight loss/dieting, but found a great book on just that topic by a Wall St nutritionist, (more on that later) bought an exercise bike and decided to set my goals in 10 lb increments.

I still have a little way to go to 170 (here's hoping for any day now!) and I am still finding the tools that work for me to keep my motivation up, but no one else can make this happen. It's all me. I AM going to make it work.

I choose my health over greasy food.
I choose to make my life better.
I choose me.