The next thing that I want to talk about is parenting issues. Ironically, the parenting issues that I've been thinking more and more about are things that I won't come across for years. Some of them are just a few years away, others, are probably about a decade away. Every now and then I read, see or hear about something that makes me wonder how I would confront the same situation with my children so that they can be happy, well adjusted, learn how to confront and deal with problems in a healthy and productive way. I think about how I can talk to my children so that their self image doesn't become skewed or distorted. So they can be confident and know that it isn't what others say or think that matters, how have faith that what they think and believe about themselves is what matters. That no matter what, they know that they are loved and that their parents and family members will ALWAYS be there for them, if they are hurting, need a little guidance or have done something wrong.
http://www.rachelsimmons.com/2012/01/mom-im-fat-one-mothers-inspired-response-to-her-7-year-old/I don't want my children to think that they are fat or stupid or weird just because someone in their school or play group made an off-handed comment. I don't want them to be told that what they want to be is 'unrealistic' and given reasons on why they can't do what they want to do.
I remember when I was in grade 8, I wanted to be an actor. I *loved* drama class, I loved putting on one person shows at home and I loved being the centre of attention. I remember that when a friend of my mom and step dad (at the time) came over for a visit, I was asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
I remember that when I replied proudly, "I want to be an actor!" how he sat at the dining room table and told me in great detail why being an actor wasn't a good career path to follow and that he used to want be an actor and on and on and on. I was so discouraged after he made this HUGE and longwinded case on why I shouldn't do what I wanted to do that it was almost the last thing that I wanted to be.
I remember that after that situation, the only person who told me that the only person who had the power to tell me that I can or can't do something that I want to do was me and that if I wanted to be an actor, I should presue it. Sadly, that didn't really encourage me and I never did become the actor that my 13/14 year old self wanted to be. I still did have a love for acting and participated in theatre groups and went to a preforming arts school, but now I wonder what might have happened if my mom or step dad had said something to their friend or countered the issue right then and there. (To be fair to my parents, I don't remember them sitting at the table with us when this conversation was going on and I don't think they were in the same room, so they might not have known right away that this conversation was even going on.)
I often think about my ability to keep them safe. (and in every case, I know that I have to let them be independant and learn how to do things on their own and trust that they will always come back to me when they need help)
I particularily worry about sexual abuse or various abuse from family members or people who are close to us and whom we might not ever suspect. A lot of that comes from myself and my own past - since I was molested at a young age from an older cousin and raped by an ex-boyfriend in my teens. From family history, I know that abuse most times happens from someone that you know and trust. And in an effort to help ease my own discomforts, maybe just for the time being, I've had really honest conversation with many family members and friends that if there is ANY signs of abuse to my children, that those signs will be followed and charges will be filed and there will be punishment through proper channels. I have to honestly say as well, as far as everything goes, I don't believe that anyone in my family or any of my trusted friends will ever do anything to harm my children, but I think that even if I might have been wrong, the fact that I've had that conversation, it might deter someone from doing something they might have done if the conversation hadn't taken place.
I know, I know, there is still time to deal with all of this.
Talk about premature parent-to-be worries, hey?
Edit: Here's a blog entry that I read today. I thought it would be a good addition to this post
http://jezebel.com/5992866/dont-call-people-fat-in-front-of-your-kids-unless-you-really-want-to-screw-them-up
No comments:
Post a Comment