Eight Months of Loving Victoria

Little Miss went outside in her first snow this year! (The very little we had for the short time we had it)

 

She didn't really like snow this year, next year, I'm sure she'll have much more fun.

 

 

She's started making a "clicking" sound with her tongue

 

 

Little Miss loves to throw her hands in the air and throw them around like she just don't care! All. The. Time. But especially when she's eating something yummy.

 

 

Little Miss has started lifting herself to standing on furniture. Stools, rocking chairs (that have been tied to stop from rocking), the couch, the coffee table, the outside of her crib when we play in her room, the outside of the tub, the walls and just about anything else she can get her hands on.

 

 

She was a little wobbly at first...

 

 

But she's got it now! And she's taking safe risks and is learning what works, and what doesn't :) <3

 

One of her favourite people (and her belly twin) is her Fa Fa (Her grandpa)

 

 

She tries to get into things she shouldn't... like the bookcase... or the family stocking...

 

She was plum tuckered out by the time the families Christmas Eve festivities were done. She didn't even wake up when she was taken out of the car seat... or when we walked to the house in the chilly night air... or when we got inside and Chatum was racing around because he was so excited to see us. Her head hit her crib mattress without even a whimper.

 

 

Another one of her favourite people, her Nana... and her jewellry. <3

 

Cheerios! Pretty much endless fun and entertainment!

 



I think the scariest words I've ever uttered, when she was climbing to standing on a chair - "Okay... I need to back off, you don't need me all the time..."

 

I often ask myself how time passes so quickly, and I'm constantly amazed at how much Little Miss is changing

 

Little Miss got to see her Grandma Mary again, for the second time in her short life. It was a VERY short visit with my mom, and LM played shy, but warmed up to mom in a short period of time. 

A 3AM Trip to the ER

*Just a note, this was written RIGHT before I got on the plane with Little Miss to move back to our home province, and since then things have been crazy with trying to unpack with a baby. Sorry for the delay, but I *did* want to publish this, because I think the content is important.*

So, let me start off by saying, trips to the ER are never fun. Especially when you have to head out at 3 in the morning. Especially if you are making the trip for your child.

Let me also be very forthcoming and say, Little Miss and I usually co-sleep on the couch. I know, not exactly safe in terms of co-sleeping and many nurses and doctors would be giving me a lecture right now if they could and that they can't really support co-sleeping because it's not recommended by health Canada. Up until now, we haven't had any issues. Usually I wrap a large swaddling blanket around LM and then around me so there is no risk of falling (obviously didn't do that last night). I used to have her between myself and the cushions on the couch, but stopped at the advise of my midwife who as worried she might get overheated.

SO! Last night...
It was about 2:45ish when I woke up to a "THUD!" Like the sound of a poundcake falling to the ground - and then a wail from my very startled little girl. I scooped her up from the floor and cradled her in my arms. And surprisingly, she calmed down MUCH sooner than I thought she would. And she nodded off to sleep again. I grabbed the diaper bag, made sure that there were plenty of supplies in case we were at the hospital for a longer than desirable period of time, packed up Victoria in her car seat and we were off.

On the way, I sat in my seat and then my mind was going a mile a minute. "What if the nurses and doctor were mean to me?", "What if they had to keep her under observation for a ridiculously long time and we miss our flight for our move back home?", "What if they think I'm a bad mother?"

"What if they think I'm a bad mother and call Child Protective Services?"

On the drive I came the the resolution that I certainly am NOT a bad mother, no matter what anybody thought. I am only a mother who made a choice. A bad and unsafe choice, with an outcome that could have been prevented, but not a bad mother. I am a mother whose stomach turned in knots as I was rocking my baby to comfort her. I am a mother who decided right away that the right thing to do was take my daughter to the hospital. A mother who was praying that everything was okay.

Thankfully, the ER was empty and we were seen pretty much right away. The staff were surprisingly nice and didn't judge me. The doctor was so pleasant - even at 3:45 in the morning. She was kind, and thorough in checking LM out for an injuries, in her questions to see if any behaviors have changed and detailed in what we should look out for in case we though things were taking a turn for the worse at home. Good news, Victoria is great, the doctor couldn't find anything wrong with her. YAY! She said that she was just startled which is why she calmed down so quickly and usually babies stay limp when they fall. She once saw a kid in the ER who fell two stories and was perfectly fine - no scratches, bruises or broken bones.

I walked out those double sliding doors out to the car feeling better and holding my babe just a little closer and tighter.

SO! Needless to say, we won't be co-sleeping on the couch anymore. In the new house, we will have a bed that we can use for co-sleeping.

Do you co-sleep and want to do it safely?

• Make sure your baby is on their back. If you breastfeed while lying down and your baby is on her side, make sure you return her to her back after she’s finished eating.
•  A lot of families find that the best position for baby is on the side of mom, not in the center, since mom is often more responsive in the middle of the night
• Control the temperature. You don't want your baby to overheat, turn down the heat. Dress yourself in a long-sleeve shirt and dress your baby in a night outfit in which she doesn’t need a blanket. That way you can keep the covers safely down, and your arms won’t get cold.
• Those who should not cosleep with an infant, however, include: other children, particularly toddlers, because they might not be aware of the baby's presence; parents who are under the influence of alcohol or any drug because that could diminish their awareness of the baby; parents who smoke because the risk of SIDS is greater.
• Make sure your mattress fits snugly in the bed frame so that your baby won't become trapped in between the frame and the mattress.
• Don't place a baby to sleep in an adult bed alone.
• Do not place a baby on a soft surface to sleep such as a soft mattress, sofa, or waterbed.
• Get a "Co-Sleeper". A bassinet that attaches to your bed. No worried of rolling over your baby; you get your space so you can stretch out and your baby gets the benefit of being near you.
• NEVER co-sleep if your baby was born premature or had a low birth weight
• Never co-sleep if you are extremely tired, or have a sleep disorder, such as sleep apnoea. You may be in such a deep sleep that you don't wake up if you roll onto your baby

Body Image - (My) New Mom Perspective

I know there is a HUGE range of perspective on the new mom and body image, and I know that we often hear about the negatives. The stretch marks, the extra belly skin, how NONE of our clothes fit, how our tits HURT!

And the list goes on.

My experience is quite different from the tales we so often hear. Like much of my pregnancy, life post pregnancy for me has been quite easy.

My stuff
stretch marks? Yes.
Still wearing mat pants? Nope.
Two pairs of pre-preg pants. Sometimes my pre-preggo jeans.
Still have a bit of a paunch.

Feeling good
Eating healthy (for the most part)
I was resting for quite some time, partially thanks to my c-section infection and time needed to heal. It was PRET-TY bad!
Perspective. The weight won't stay on forever. My priority is being mama and not losing weight and getting back into shape so shortly after giving birth.

During my pregnancy I gained 38 pounds. 20 pounds of that I lost in the hospital. 9 pounds of that was baby, the rest was fluids, water weight (that went straight to my boobs) and placenta. I lost 10 pounds pretty quickly by breastfeeding, but as I said previously, I had a c-section, so I had to take it easy. Then my incision got infected (while I was still in hospital. Yes, I brought up with all nurses and anyone who came into my room that it felt weird, everyone said it was fine... until I walked into the ER 11 days later... turns out, I was right, there was something weird!) so I had to take it easy for much longer.

Right now, I am 5-ish pounds away from my pre-preggo weight. And I'm not sweating about it. My priority is still being a mom rather than getting back into shape. I don't want to be fixated about a number on a scale.

Today, I woke up feeling tired, but a few minutes into the morning, I felt awesome. I felt energized, I fit into my pre-preggo jeans, my babe slept until 8:45 in contrast to her normal 6:30, I got my makeup done. And I had a good poop. Yup, I said it, deal with it.

Most days, I feel pretty good. Some days I wake up feeling exhausted and I really don't know how I'm going to get through the day. Most of the time it's with coffee and ice coffee. How I feel about my body image changes with each of those feelings. For the most part, I'm super comfortable and confident about my body.

My body is freaking awesome. I grew a child. I never felt more beautiful than when I Was pregnant. I felt freaking gorgeous, and I think that showed. And well, I still feel pretty awesome. I feel pretty... and, I have to say, I have the cutest kid ever. How can I EVER hate anything about my body when it housed her, kept her safe and nurtured her?

Yes, I have stretch marks, I have a scar above my pubic bone, I still have a bit of a mummy tummy.

My body is the only one I have and I have made a choice to love my body. The way it is right now. Flaws and all. Because the way it is right now, is perfect in my daughters eyes. And I want to take a lesson from her, to teach her a very important lesson later on. That our bodies are beautiful the way they are. I don't want her to hear me say "I'm fat and ugly and wrong." Because she will believe it, and she will learn it, and she will live it.

I want my daughter to learn the lesson later, that she already knows now. Her mommy's body is perfect the way it is. And so is hers.

Contemplating Parenting Issues That Are Years Away

The first thing that I have to say is that I abolutely fucking LOVE this guy. This video is amazing, and I really think that it's worth watching the whole thing.

The next thing that I want to talk about is parenting issues. Ironically, the parenting issues that I've been thinking more and more about are things that I won't come across for years. Some of them are just a few years away, others, are probably about a decade away. Every now and then I read, see or hear about something that makes me wonder how I would confront the same situation with my children so that they can be happy, well adjusted, learn how to confront and deal with problems in a healthy and productive way. I think about how I can talk to my children so that their self image doesn't become skewed or distorted. So they can be confident and know that it isn't what others say or think that matters, how have faith that what they think and believe about themselves is what matters. That no matter what, they know that they are loved and that their parents and family members will ALWAYS be there for them, if they are hurting, need a little guidance or have done something wrong.

http://www.rachelsimmons.com/2012/01/mom-im-fat-one-mothers-inspired-response-to-her-7-year-old/I don't want my children to think that they are fat or stupid or weird just because someone in their school or play group made an off-handed comment. I don't want them to be told that what they want to be is 'unrealistic' and given reasons on why they can't do what they want to do.

I remember when I was in grade 8, I wanted to be an actor. I *loved* drama class, I loved putting on one person shows at home and I loved being the centre of attention. I remember that when a friend of my mom and step dad (at the time) came over for a visit, I was asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

I remember that when I replied proudly, "I want to be an actor!" how he sat at the dining room table and told me in great detail why being an actor wasn't a good career path to follow and that he used to want be an actor and on and on and on. I was so discouraged after he made this HUGE and longwinded case on why I shouldn't do what I wanted to do that it was almost the last thing that I wanted to be.

I remember that after that situation, the only person who told me that the only person who had the power to tell me that I can or can't do something that I want to do was me and that if I wanted to be an actor, I should presue it. Sadly, that didn't really encourage me and I never did become the actor that my 13/14 year old self wanted to be. I still did have a love for acting and participated in theatre groups and went to a preforming arts school, but now I wonder what might have happened if my mom or step dad had said something to their friend or countered the issue right then and there. (To be fair to my parents, I don't remember them sitting at the table with us when this conversation was going on and I don't think they were in the same room, so they might not have known right away that this conversation was even going on.)

I often think about my ability to keep them safe. (and in every case, I know that I have to let them be independant and learn how to do things on their own and trust that they will always come back to me when they need help)

I particularily worry about sexual abuse or various abuse from family members or people who are close to us and whom we might not ever suspect. A lot of that comes from myself and my own past - since I was molested at a young age from an older cousin and raped by an ex-boyfriend in my teens. From family history, I know that abuse most times happens from someone that you know and trust. And in an effort to help ease my own discomforts, maybe just for the time being, I've had really honest conversation with many family members and friends that if there is ANY signs of abuse to my children, that those signs will be followed and charges will be filed and there will be punishment through proper channels. I have to honestly say as well, as far as everything goes, I don't believe that anyone in my family or any of my trusted friends will ever do anything to harm my children, but I think that even if I might have been wrong, the fact that I've had that conversation, it might deter someone from doing something they might have done if the conversation hadn't taken place.

I know, I know, there is still time to deal with all of this.

Talk about premature parent-to-be worries, hey?

Edit: Here's a blog entry that I read today. I thought it would be a good addition to this post
http://jezebel.com/5992866/dont-call-people-fat-in-front-of-your-kids-unless-you-really-want-to-screw-them-up