Dreaming About My Girl

WHOA! I *just* remembered a dream I had last night about Victoria!
I could feel her moving and she felt SUPER strong, and I lifted up my shirt to look at my belly - and HOLY COW! I saw her tiny foot *really clearly* through my skin (but her foot was about the size of one of my finger nails.)

I was so excited, that I absolutely HAD to show the people who were around me!
I pointed it out, and as I showed more people I could see more and more of Victoria... until she was nestled in the palm of my hand! Outside of me and doing fine. Despite her tiny tiny size, she could breathe and was strong.

Ahhhh! I can't wait to meet this little girl!

Bakin' Up A Storm Monday

It's Monday today, and aside from my usual "to-do's" on my list today, (Clean bathroom and brush Chatums teeth) make  I'm baking :)

I have a friend in my prenatal nutrition group who is moving, and tomorrow we are having a "unpacking the moving boxes party" and I thought it would be nice to have some baked goods that we could all enjoy while we chat and unpack, as well as a house warming gift. (Remember in my baby shower post how I mentioned that it's almost impossible for me to go to someones house without bringing something... or at least offering?)

I've already started on cookies. I've chosen Chocolate Kissed Gingerbread Cookies from: http://www.beckybakes.net/2010/12/10/chocolate-kissed-gingerbread-cookies/
And Admittedly, I was planning on making these for the Christmas holidays, but I never got around to. So, I'm testing them out now. I did add chunks of candied ginger, which the recipe doesn't call for, but I didn't realize before I did my Christmas baking shopping, that I lost my old gingerbread recipe THAT I LOVED. So, I have lots of candied ginger.

I'm also doing a variation on my favourite banana bread recipe, which I got in a baking recipe book as a gift almost 5 years ago. (William-Sonoma Essentials of Baking) BEST baking cook book EVER... seeing as how I don't have any nuts (which are optional in the recipe, and I don't know if anyone will be allergic to them at the unpacking party) or chocolate chips. I prefer the banana bread with chocolate chips instead of nuts.

But today? Instead of either, I'm going to try with cranberries. I'm still not too sure how it will turn out, but, I have some cranberries that I flash froze in my freezer just sitting there in the freezer bag. We'll give it a shot. I'll update to say how things went.

What are some of your all time favourite recipes? Have you tried any intesting variations with your favourite recipe?

Update: Bustin' Out Of My Funk

So, you know what's fantastic?

Yesterday evening, after I wrote my post about being self conscious and in a funk - I BROKE OUT OF MY FUNK!

I was sort of listless and didn't know what the heck to do, so, I went out and picked up some things that I needed, bought a bag of dill pickle chips (and ate the whole said bag in the front seat of my car, still parked in front of the store.)

It took me a little while after coming home until I started myself getting back to normal. And I tell ya, I took in a huge breath and let that sucker go in a HUGE sigh of relief! It was a big weight off my shoulders and it felt really nice to feel like my light and bubbly self again.

On another note, my feet and ankles are suffering from pregnancy... They've started to swell every now and then. Today I had to head to the store to pick up a few things, and getting my slip on Naturalizers on was... not quiet challenging, but my right foot (the bigger of the two) was REALLY snug and I could feel the sides of my leather shoes digging into my poor little foot. (Little? I have HUGE feet, just so you know, if I wear white shoes, it looks like I have skis for feet.)

On another note, I'm super excited about dinner tonight, I'm trying out a new recipe! Tonight I am trying coconut "breaded" chicken. Here's the link below:

http://sexfoodandkettlebells.com/home-sfk/2012/10/16/coconut-curry-breaded-chicken-wings-with-paleo-sweet-thai-ch.html

Since I don't have curry currently, I think I'll try cajun seasoning instead, and at some point I'll post and let you know what I thought.

Now here are a couple questions for you:
1) What's the longest time you've ever spent in a funk and what helped you to break out of it?
2) What's the most recent recipe you've experimented with? Did you love it, or would you really not want to make it again?

Hoping you have a fantastic day!

Feeling A Little Insecure

In the past couple days this week, or maybe even as far back as late last week, I've started to feel a little insecure. *sigh* I think it's a couple different issues that I'm working through, and part of it, I find really hard to articulate.

First, the part that's hard for me to put in words or try to explain. As comfortable as I am with my preggo body, and knowing how beautiful and amazing I am, my amazing air of confidence is starting to wear down.

I'm super proud of my preggo body, which I think it's so hard for me to explain. I try to dress well and in a way that accentuates and flatters my new figure (despite my limited wardrobe - two pairs of mat pants and a collection of about 3-6 shirts, 2 sweaters that I wear on a regular basis... plus whatever accessories I add for the day) and I make an effort to do my hair and makeup. Not only does all of that make me feel awake and ready for the day, but it makes me feel good that I take pride in my appearance. Dressing in clothes that fit, doing my hair and makeup was something that I practiced even pre-pregnancy.

Not to mention the fact that I'm constantly told that the shape of my belly is really nice. It was strange to hear from other women (of whom have been pregnant before) at first, but I have known, even more so now that I've been joining in on pregnant groups, that our bellies come in ALL shapes and sizes. Really, no two are alike. I'm also constantly told how beautiful and great and amazing and attractive I am.

Another reason why it's so hard to put into words is because I've never felt so wonderful/happy/beautiful as I have since I've been pregnant. Really, I get absolutely giddy with how wonderful/happy/beautiful I feel. And sometimes even down-right sexy. "Seriously? I'm fucking awesome!"

What I've started wondering the past couple days since feeling conflicted is, how many men who are involved with us pretty preggos who watch porn? For whatever reason. Maybe he doesn't want to hurt the baby; or his lady has lost all interest in carnal activities; or maybe he honestly doesn't feel there's anything attractive about a pregnant body; or, what I think is a funny prospect - maybe he's too optimistic about the size of his manhood. In any case, I'm not about to ask any man in my life who has been involved with a pregnant woman if he watched porn during the pregnancy for whatever reason - honestly, I don't think we preggo's really don't want to know. Not that I would normally really care either, men are visual creatures, and I think we can all agree, porn is very visual. And it's a super safe place to watch something that you might fantasize about that you might not really necessarily actually want to do.

Another thing that has been bothering me, and I can see this going back quite a while, (like... months, or maybe even years) is that I've started thinking that maybe I'm not quite "best friend material". I don't remember details that well... let's face it, I have the memory of a goldfish. I also don't feel super confident in my conversational skills... which is why I appreciate that with the girlfriends that I have, conversations just happen organically and we can really talk for hours... even hours past the time we'd intended for our visit. Really, THANK GOD! Otherwise, in a lot of cases, I feel like a crippled conversationalist.

I suppose it doesn't really help that in the past 10-15 years, I've moved. A LOT. Most of it was of my own volition. But really, moving so often makes it hard to make friends when you're an adult. In school it was SO easy wasn't it? If you moved while you were still in school, you had a new friend by the end of the day, if not then, at LEAST the end of the week! When you are working and out in the real world, creating friendships is a whole other beast.

And of course, we all have that one friend, who we get along with fantastically, but we can rarely ever get time in with. You know the one. They kind of have a busy schedule and include lots of activity in their lives. So when it comes to making plans for coffee or lunch or even a walk, we say something like, "Anytime works for me, let me know when works for you." When that fails for the first few attempts, we might try to narrow the time frame down and say something like, "Anytime works for me, let's try for sometime in the next week or two, let me know what works for you, I know you've often got plans."

We love them, we really, really do. And by the time we actually get to hang out with them, we have such a good time and the chat was so good that we feel guilty that we were ever upset and frustrated that they are super hard to make plans with - but then the whole cycle starts again doesn't it?

Then we start thinking that maybe they don't really like us. Or do want to make plans with us but right before it happens, something else comes up and they think, "Hmm, yeah, I'd really much rather do this instead." Or, and hopefully this isn't the case - we're boring! Maybe we just ramble on, but don't put any emotion into the tone of our voice while we are telling a story. Maybe they think we just don't have anything interesting to say.

Or whatever.

My point is, it sucks. And we wonder if the frustration is worth it (until we actually get time in... where again, we feel silly that we were ever upset to begin with) See? There it is again... the "Flakey-Friend" cycle.

Anyway, that's really the end of my self concious rant for now.

What periods of your life have you felt self concious or insecure? Were there a few things that made you feel that way or one specific thing? Let me know!

WORST Pet Parent EVER! :(

It's official, I am the WORST pet parent EVER!

This evening, Chatum got to one of the chicken bones left over from my dinner off my plate - and it's my fault... I left my plate inside one of the cubbies of our coffee table instead of putting it ON the coffee table, because well, right now the coffee table is a little bit cluttered... and I hate clutter to begin with.

I went into the kitchen to do something, and all that could be heard from the living room was "CRUNCH!"

At first I thought, "I'm sure I brought my plate to the kitchen!" But sure enough, he had half a chicken bone sitting on his bed in the living room... with the other half nowhere to be found *heart jumps into throat*

I called the emergency number to his vet, (even though I kind of figured I knew what they would say this early in the game) and really, there is nothing that can be done except watch and wait. Watch to see if he becomes lethargic, if he vomits, has diarrhea, any sign of blood etc for the next 3-4 days.

No car rides for this puppy... who is used to getting a daily trip to the dog park (which we have to drive to), shorter walks and less activity as to not upset his digestive system.

The good news? There isn't a need to fast him or change his diet in the meantime. I'm really hoping that things work out for the best and this poor boy doesn't need surgery or... well... worse.

Cross your fingers!

...And I'll be sure to put my dirty dishes in the sink straight away from now on.

Missing Mama

(I wrote this last night as I was having a hormone surge and started bawling as I was scooping ice cream into bowls. I rarely have mood swings, so I sort of wanted to document it.)

I'm crying into my ice cream, my tears blurring my vision - my nose dribbles.

I'm crying because I miss my mom. My wonderful mom who is kept away from me by two time zones away and by two provinces. My mom, who used to be my anchor to the world. My mom who is about to be a grandma again for the fifth time. The grandma of my first child - due in ten weeks.

I cry more when I start to think that one day, the little girl in my belly might be crying for me one day, too. My dog looks up at me, not sure how to react or what to do. He slowly walks to his bed in my room and lays down... then looks at me sadly.

I think about how I want my mom to be here, hugging me and rubbing small, firm circles into my back with the palms of her small, soft hands. Just like she did when I was a little girl and  when I was growing up. (And when I was first pregnant, visiting my old province for two weeks. We ALL got sick... and I had my first experience with morning sickness. I pouted, sat on the couch beside her and threw the upper part of my torso onto her lap and wept softly for a few minutes. Sniffling. Moms back rubs didn't make either sicknesses go away, but they did make me feel better.)

I think about how she isn't going to be here for the birth of my little girl. My sweet little girl. Instead of coming earlier, she's decided to come after - makes sense, she doesn't want to completely miss out on meeting her newest grand daughter. I worry that while I'm in labour, even knowing that I will having amazing strength and support with me, I'll be crying and wanting my mom.

I don't know how everything is going to play out by the time I'm in labour. Heck, maybe if she were going to be here, it would be like after my miscarriage - I wanted to be independant and do everything on my own. Maybe I will wish my mom were there. Anyway it that it goes, I know that shortly after the arrival of my first I'll have my mom here visiting, taking the baby from me and telling me to try to go to sleep, walking the dog, cleaning and making meals.

And that's enough for now. Knowing that in the end, she'll be here when I need her. And probably rubbing small, tight, firm circles into my back.

And It Occurs To Me...

Lately, it keeps occuring to me that soon, I won't be pregnant anymore - I'll be a new mom. I'll be in the middle of doing some activity or I'll be in a daze, just coming out of a nap before I realize, "Holy crap! I'm going to be a parent soon! I'm going to have a baby! I'm going to have this living, breathing amazing little person who is going to depend on me!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not nervous, I've had TONS of experience with kids... I used to babysit tons and I used to be a nanny. (Except now I won't be able to give this kid back after a couple hours or the end of the work day... that will be new.)

It just amazes me that soon it's all going to be over. A little more than ten weeks - if we are going by my EDD.

Who knows, she might come a little early like her cousins did... but that's up to her isn't it?

When I have these (constant) revelations, I wonder how I'm going to feel. Will I just be happy that she's out and I won't have the intense pain from my bad hip and these AWFUL knots between my shoulders anymore?

Will she cry so much that I wish she could be back in my tummy?

Or will I want her back in my tummy because I miss feeling her move around or I don;t like feeling 'empty'? I'm sure I'll be getting more excited about the prospect of seeing her and holding her and witnessing how she will change. And dressing her up in her cute clothes... because by now, this kid has more clothes than I have...

I guess time will tell how I'm going to feel in the days and weeks that follow little Victorias birth.

Until then, I'm going to appreciate the special bond that only I can have with her right now. My little girl. My little bundle of love. My little... monster who thinks that my bladder is a squeeze toy...

A Baby Shower and a Birthday

This past weekend I celebrated two things. The upcoming birth of my little Victoria as well as my 26th birthday. (Although, my birthday doesn't actually take place for another week, I wanted to have it early enough so that a special friend who is also expecting - any time now - would be able to attend both my shower and my birthday)

And I have to say, I LOVE that I have such fantastic people in my life and I'm very glad that they could all be there with me during this time of celebration.

<3





 My good friend Caroline and her husband (Who made us sliders for dinner - SO GOOD!) hosted the baby shower at their house.

There was a huge spread of fruits, some delicious dip that Caroline made - seriously, it was AMAZING! Crackers and cheese, drinks, salad and Jesses yummy sliders.

After we ate dinner, we had some phenominal cupcakes, which are pictured above, that Caroline had bought for the occasion. I have to admit, that I had one of each. My favourite by far were the ones with the pink icing though. Made with REAL raspberries. You can't get any better than that, can you?

 I'm drooling right now just thinking about it and I'm thinking of heading to the fridge so I can go devour the last one!

We all decorated 0-3 month and 3-6 month onesies with fabric paints, and for the first few minutes, we all sat there looking blankly at these white onesies and had no idea what the heck we were going to do with them. Solution? We tossed on some music and that really got things rolling. And soon, we had adorable customized little onsies that Victoria could rock no problem. Caroline made a sweet one with a butterfly with my little ones name across it, Sophie created a clever little onesie with a turtle on the front that says, "I'm turtley cute" below, and Hayley made a cute design with a little giraffe peaking his

 head out from behind a big letter 'V'. (She'd wanted to do a giraffe tail on the back, but we didn't have enough time to let the paint dry for her to turn it over and get that done before we ended the night... still SUPER cute!)

And while all of my friends were putting the finishing touches on their masterpieces, I was still going at it, working on mine, which was almost done, but I couldn't figure out what was missing. I sat there dabbing away with my little paints and thought about it and finally came up with an idea!

I ended up writing 'I <3 My Gma + My Farfar' Farfar, for those of you who don't know, means 'Fathers Father (or grandpa) in Danish.



My dedication to Gma and Farfar <3

Satisfied that I was done, we could carry on with the night... well, that and it's awkward when you are the last one doing something when everyone has wrapped it up and are sitting there waiting for you.Although, my friends are really great, I don't think they would have minded just chatting while I was sitting there with my paints, tongue sticking out the corner of my mouth with a look of concentration on my face...




Erm... This isn't contagious, is it? Is there something in the water?

The rest of the evening we chatted, and I *swear* when you get any of us together, we can just gab for hours. I could get a text from someone asking when I might be available to hang out and I'll say something like, "Oh, I'm just finishing up with a friend (or friends) I'll text you when I'm on my way." and then even though we might expect to be done quite shortly, we end up talking for another hour or so. I've learned not to give a time limit when I hang out with my girlfriends, because I don't want our visits to feel rushed when we really get into it and I don't want to make a promise to be somewhere a certain time when I might not be able to make it on time. I'm anal about punctuality.

 The picture to the left is my favourite picture of the evening, because it's the first picture of all four of us since I met these FANTASTIC women a year ago. Okay, well, there was one taken the night we met, but it was on someone else's camera and I haven't been able to get a copy of it. I was DESPERATE to get a picture of all four of us together, expecially since one of my dear friends is moving away soon.

In the year that I have known these absolutely phenominal women, I've grown to like and love each one of them. And even though I might not get to see them NEARLY as much as I'd like to sometimes, I realize we all have our own individual lives and we each get busy.

That being said, I know that if any of us EVER need each other, we will be there at the drop of a hat for support, let each other vent, a hug or a shoulder to try on. I am unbelievably grateful to have found such good friends so shortly after I'd moved here just a little over a year ago.

Every time I come home from hanging out with one of my girlfriends, I find I like something new about them each time.

 Shall we get back to the main plot? I went off on a little tangent there, didn't I? I received some very thoughtful, some very cute and some very practical gifts.

And I have to say, since this time it was different, I usually feel awkward and strange when it comes to opening gifts in front of a group of people - and I can't explain it. Sometimes I just want to open the gifts when everyone is sucked into conversation, so that nobody notices.

 This time however, I didn't feel awkward or strange at all, which was really nice for a
 change. Really, really nice.

At the end of the night, while we were all still sitting on the couches, I went and grabbed my "Thank-you for coming" gifts and Carolines Hostess gift. We joke that I'm almost incapable of being invited somewhere (even my own baby shower) without bringing something for everyone else. I'd made some body scrubs and put them into containers. I made a Lemon Salt Body Scrub, a Lavender Sugar Body Scrub and a Coffee Peppermint Vanilla Sugar Body Scrub. (The last one smells SO GOOD - I seriously just want to eat it every time I smell it.)

The next day we celebrated my 26th birthday at Pizza Hut.

Pizza, cupcakes, good company and LOTS of laughter. I'm sure a few tears were shed.

Oh, and we got another picture of the four of us together. Now I have a small little project that has to get underway here pretty quickly in order to be done on time!

 

 

I hope that you had an awesome weekend and that you spent it doing what you wanted to be doing and with those you love and wanted to spend time with. Let me know what you got up to.

Body Image - The Pregnant Womans Perspective

Hello again!

For this entry, I've decided that instead of diving into the MANY aspects of body image in pregnancy, I'm going to write about my experiences with my own body image during this pregnancy. That being said, I've had a very small range of emotions when it comes to how I felt about my body so far.

 

I haven't really worried about gaining weight and I only got weighed whenever I went to see my family doctor for my prenatal appointments. Now I do occasionally weigh myself at home (something I rarely did before because I don't ever want to be fixated on a certain number) since, for some reason, the midwives that will be my health caregivers for my pregnancy haven't weighed me. I haven't gotten around to asking them why yet.

Anyway, I'm pretty satisfied with my weight gain so far (25 lbs, from 175 pre-preggo to 200 as of today) and I've been eating healthy (for the most part) as well as I don't give myself the right to eat 'whatever I want, whenever I want" just because I'm pregnant. It's my job that I eat well and take care of myself so I can help this little one to grow healthy. My baby doesn't have it's own voice yet and can't say something like, "Hey mom, I'm growing pretty fast here, let's eat something healthy for lunch instead of that burger and fries so I can grow big and strong and healthy."

That being said, what's life without indulgences? I still have chips and chocolate and ice capps every now and then.

One thing that I can appreciate, is that I don't feel 'fat' (And come on, there is a HUGE difference from fat weight gain and pregnancy weight gain! It drives me UP THE WALL when I meet a pregnant woman who seriously says that she is fat. No, you're not fat, you're pregnant. Yes, you might be uncomfortable, but there is absolutely no reason you should feel self conscious.) I don't even realize that I am as big as I *really* am. If I look in the mirror or look down I think, "Yeah, sure, I have a preggo belly." but as soon as I look at my weekly pregnacy belly pics, I think, "Holy cow! This kid is getting BIG!"

 I am constantly getting stuck between the fridge door and the counter and then it clicks, "oh, right! I have a belly now..." People I know can joke about me being 'fat' and I know they don't mean it and feel secure enough to laugh because I find it it funny. I don't think that it hurts either that once my pre-preggo clothes got too small, they went in a bag and were tucked away in a corner of the basement. I switched them out with other clothes that I could grow with for a while and bought maternity jeans sooner rather than later. If the skinny jeans or tight tops aren't there for me to put on, I can't feel bad about not having clothes that fit properly.

 

As for the 'fat' perspective, I know that I'm gaining weight for a reason and it's not actually fat that I'm gaining. I am supporting a life inside my own body (How cool is that?!) and that the weight I am gaining is:

• the babies weight
• placenta
• extra blood volume (Since your blood volume DOUBLES when you're pregnant)
• extra breast bulk (seriously, I went from a C cup to an E in a few months!)
• the weight of my growing uterus
• amniotic fluid

 I love that I can actually see that I'm pregnant now, there was a period where I really couldn't see the changes in my belly when I looked in the mirror

 

It amazes me when I can see my WHOLE belly move or whenever Victoria decides that it might be fun to play roller derby in utero and gets super aggressive in her movements.

I think it's crazy that I was even a *little* self concious about the way my stomach looked pre-pregnancy... seriously, it was SO flat! I mean, I've never had washboard abs and I've slowly had a little bit of 'growth' the past 5 years, but wow! I am freaking CUTE when I'm not pregnant. (And I'm phrasing it that way because I'm confident that I will still be super cute and hot once Victoria arrives.)

And I suppose it's time to list the (very few) negatives that I've been feeling about being pregnant, and they aren't necessarily about body image, but hey, I don't really complain about my pregnancy woes, so... here goes :)
I dislike that I have to be more dependant on others, especially since I've developed an upper back issue (for which I've started seeing a chiropractor for) and my left hip has started to bug me more. I'm used to being the (sort of) tough girl that can lift big heavy boxes etc. Now I don't even carry the laundry baskets down to the basement or back up the stairs when it's laundry day.

I have to drive to the dog park every morning so my dog can get his exercise since I've already fallen once this winter due to slippery walk ways and and over-excited puppy. Don't worry, I had time enough to think that it would be a good idea if I fell on my side and NOT on my belly. I miss going for walks and Chatum whines in the car almost all the way to the dog park...  a five minute drive, but when you can only really drink decaf, that's a long 5 minutes.

My back muscles get really tight, really quickly. Even holding out the dishes when I'm washing them can be the difference between a nice loose back or super tight muscles and having to go lay down with the rice bags.

Before I realized I was still doing too much, even after cutting down my daily activies and my "to do's", I didn't enjoy being pregnant for a few weeks because I was tiring myself out without even realizing it.

 

Other than those small (and temporary) things, my pregnancy woes are very small and few - and I am grateful that I have WAY more things that I *LOVE* about being pregnant.

The Diapers Have Arrived!

I know! It's been forever since I've posted anything and there are a few reasons for that.
1) Pregnancy tires you out and  blogging isn't your #1 priority.
2) There was a period of time where I *couldn't* upload pictures straight from my laptop, I'd have to post them say, on Facebook and then link them in - which is, to say the least, pretty inconvenient.

 3) I wasn't sure what I wanted to write about next.

Anyway! It's been weeks now, but I ordered the cloth diapers I wanted and that came highly recommended to me by an awesome friend of mine. I bought mine from http://www.sunbabydiapers.ca/ and I have to say, they have some pretty darned

cute patterns for their diapers and I was SUPER excited when they came in the mail. (Albeit, a little overwhelmed when I was first trying to figure out how to get the inserts in and how to adjust the snaps properly, although I'm pretty confident now.

I bought 34 adjustable diapers, with the inserts all for about $250.00 including shipping. My favourites are pictured individually in the photos below.

 For those of you who haven't heard about Sunbaby Diapers, a new mom who LOVED these diapers, but wasn't pleased with the time she had to wait for shipping (They ship from China... more about manufacturing after) the international shipping charges etc. What was her plan? To make these diapers more available to Canadian moms and partnered up with the owner to create a Canadian market.

 Sun Pei is the owner and founder of Sunbaby Diapers. They are manufactured in Shanghai, China where the city has strict laws about the use of cheap labour (win, win in my books) They do not use child labour in their factories (and anyone that does so in their area gets a fine and jail time) I really liked the fact that these diapers are made under fair labour conditions.

 Her employees get paid well and *don't* have to work overtime.

How great is that? It definitely makes me more confident in buying these diapers. I'm also glad that I will be spending less money in the long run, creating less garbage for our landfills and that there aren't chemicals (after the first initial washes) that will be absorbed into Victorias skin and that she won't have the diaper rashes that are associated with disposable diapers. Plus, having a cute pattern on her butt doesn't hurt either.

 Have you ever used/thought about using cloth diapers? Do you find the idea of them intimidating or just don't like the idea of extra laundry?