Victoria's Room - Nearly Done :)

Victoria's room is nearly done. There are only a few things that I'd like to get/do and then it will be done. Here are some pictures I took the other day of her room. I patiently waited for a good friend of mine to come home from her honeymoon so I could show her before I posted any pictures anywhere :)

Victoria's bedroom door. I got the wooden 'V' (plain) from one of my friends at my baby shower. I painted it with dark and light purples and applied rhinestones. The "babies room" door knob hanger is from nana Judy.

The view of her room from V's bedroom door. Her cloth diapers and bathing supplies are under the crib. I also made the teething guard from a fleece blanket for the outside rails of the crib so they don't get all chewed up.

The canvas in the centre was ripped off  from pinterest done by yours truly. I made a stencil. The surrounding pictures I just printed with my printer. I want to be able to use around the house one day. I'd like to get an area rug to add to the room. Nothing like a baby with callosed knees because of hardwood floors.

I didn't want the artwork in the nursery to be really 'baby baby-ish'. That and the b&w contrast helps newborns develope their vision.

Ooo! My little girls closet! I don't have a toy bin yet, so for right now, her toys are in the bottom of her closet.

 

I originally had a different clothing organization system that a good friend of mine bought for us, sadly, as I aquired more clothes and items, it didn't fit. Fortunately, we also received this organization system which allows me to fit much more. I couldn't find a dresser that I liked (and there isn't a lot of space in her room) and I couldn't find any baskets that fit in the spaces. I actually make these "baskets" from cardboard boxes from the grocery store. I also made the box liners :)

The back of Victoria's door. A baby sling, a "dressy" diaper bag for when we need to go out and look a little more dressed up and a nija turtles poster :)

I'm going to turn this cute little quilt, bought from a dear family member into a tapestry and hang it on the same wall as her bedroom door.

 

Hospital/diaper bag and my own comfy pillows are ready to bring to the hospital.

 

Chatum is excited to finally meet his little sister soon, too :)

Preggo Lady Survey! 36 Weeks

How far along: 36 weeks today

Weight gain: 35 lbs

Innie or outtie: Innie still - but my deep deep belly button is really shallow now!

Maternity Clothes: Three pairs of maternity pants, one Thyme Maternity night gown, and a couple of maternity tops. Lots of 'regular clothes' that I bought from regular womens fashion stores that I could grow into. No maternity underwear or compression stockings.

Sleep: Not too bad. I still only get up once or twice a night to pee with no problems getting back to sleep. Sometimes when I get up to pee I am pretty hungry too, so I do a 'sleepy preggo waddle' to the fridge and break off a piece of cheese to satisfy my hunger until the morning.

Pregnancy Perks: Being rushed to the front of the public washroom line. Thank goodness for women who have been there :) Being told to have a sit down, have a lay down or a nap :)

Embarrassing Pregnant Moment: Farting at prenatal yoga. Not super loud. Not even during a position that could really squeak it out of me.
Lastest Baby Purchases: A couple little outfits from my local baby consigment store. 1 Osh Kosh summer jumper Victoria can wear this year, 1 Old Navy jumper and 1 Old Navy dress that she can wear at 18-24 months and 1 pair of size 1 shoes.

Latest Baby Gift: Cute pink Bat Girl onsie footy pajamas that my friend Caroline saw and bought for me. They won't fit Victoria for quite a while, but she will grow into them!

Movement: Big rolls! It is WAY more entertaining to watch my belly as opposed to anything movie or TV show. It makes me laugh, smile and sometimes I tear up.

Food Cravings: Still no real food cravings.

Food Aversions: I haven't eaten eggs since the beginning of my pregnancy. Other than that, no real food aversions since the first trimester

How's Mama? I'm doing fantastic. A lot of my pregnant friends can't wait for it to be over, between heartburn, back pain, swelling, vericose veins and just about everything else... but me? I've had it pretty easy. Some pain when she sits on my sciatic nerve, swollen feet and ankles every now and then and a little bit of fatigue. Other than that (Which isn't much to complain about - and I've been told I don't really complain) I'm doing great and I'm feeling good.

What I'm Looking Forward To: Having my mom come to visit after Victoria is born. More baby gifts in the mail. Being able to eat things I haven't been able to for months (feta and goats cheese?! Yum! Subway sandwiches? Yes please. A glass of wine? I'd love one, thank you very much)

My Baby in Veg/Fruit Terms: What the heck is a crenshaw melon? Length: more than 18 1/2 inches, head to heel and weighs about 6.5 lbs
Next Doctor (In my case, midwife) Appointment: April 5th. The first of my weekly visits

What Do I Think My Baby Will Look Like? Blonde/light brown hair, greenish-blue eyes, chubby little cheeks but a long/lean little body.
Natural/C-Section/Drugs? Natural with a midwife baby. (Although if I have to, I will do whatever it takes to get Victoria out safely. And if I have a LONG and hard delivery and I need relief, I am open to taking drugs... I've made it very clear that I'd rather be encouraged to do without rather than have my support group just agree with me that I need the drugs)

Signed up for any classes? Yup! I've done Prenatal Classes, Preparing For Labour,  Prenatal Yoga. I'm just waiting for Breastfeeding 101 in a couple of weeks (Hoping she doesn't come before then, I REALLY want to reap the benefits of this class!)

Stretch Marks? I few on my bum, a few on my legs where my thighs meet my torso but not a lot. None on my tummy or back.

Are you ready for it to be over? I'm still pretty comfortable. I'm not in any rush.

Any weird dreams? Not weird dreams... but I've had a few dreams that it's going to be a boy... which freaks me out a little bit because I originally thought that we were having a boy, just a feeling. If we do end up having a boy? Plus side, we have a name picked out. Down side? He'll be wearing girl clothes for a little while - but I did buy gender neutral clothes... I don't want our little girl to be dressed in pink from head to toe... that's a lot of pink to handle.

Contemplating Parenting Issues That Are Years Away

The first thing that I have to say is that I abolutely fucking LOVE this guy. This video is amazing, and I really think that it's worth watching the whole thing.

The next thing that I want to talk about is parenting issues. Ironically, the parenting issues that I've been thinking more and more about are things that I won't come across for years. Some of them are just a few years away, others, are probably about a decade away. Every now and then I read, see or hear about something that makes me wonder how I would confront the same situation with my children so that they can be happy, well adjusted, learn how to confront and deal with problems in a healthy and productive way. I think about how I can talk to my children so that their self image doesn't become skewed or distorted. So they can be confident and know that it isn't what others say or think that matters, how have faith that what they think and believe about themselves is what matters. That no matter what, they know that they are loved and that their parents and family members will ALWAYS be there for them, if they are hurting, need a little guidance or have done something wrong.

http://www.rachelsimmons.com/2012/01/mom-im-fat-one-mothers-inspired-response-to-her-7-year-old/I don't want my children to think that they are fat or stupid or weird just because someone in their school or play group made an off-handed comment. I don't want them to be told that what they want to be is 'unrealistic' and given reasons on why they can't do what they want to do.

I remember when I was in grade 8, I wanted to be an actor. I *loved* drama class, I loved putting on one person shows at home and I loved being the centre of attention. I remember that when a friend of my mom and step dad (at the time) came over for a visit, I was asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

I remember that when I replied proudly, "I want to be an actor!" how he sat at the dining room table and told me in great detail why being an actor wasn't a good career path to follow and that he used to want be an actor and on and on and on. I was so discouraged after he made this HUGE and longwinded case on why I shouldn't do what I wanted to do that it was almost the last thing that I wanted to be.

I remember that after that situation, the only person who told me that the only person who had the power to tell me that I can or can't do something that I want to do was me and that if I wanted to be an actor, I should presue it. Sadly, that didn't really encourage me and I never did become the actor that my 13/14 year old self wanted to be. I still did have a love for acting and participated in theatre groups and went to a preforming arts school, but now I wonder what might have happened if my mom or step dad had said something to their friend or countered the issue right then and there. (To be fair to my parents, I don't remember them sitting at the table with us when this conversation was going on and I don't think they were in the same room, so they might not have known right away that this conversation was even going on.)

I often think about my ability to keep them safe. (and in every case, I know that I have to let them be independant and learn how to do things on their own and trust that they will always come back to me when they need help)

I particularily worry about sexual abuse or various abuse from family members or people who are close to us and whom we might not ever suspect. A lot of that comes from myself and my own past - since I was molested at a young age from an older cousin and raped by an ex-boyfriend in my teens. From family history, I know that abuse most times happens from someone that you know and trust. And in an effort to help ease my own discomforts, maybe just for the time being, I've had really honest conversation with many family members and friends that if there is ANY signs of abuse to my children, that those signs will be followed and charges will be filed and there will be punishment through proper channels. I have to honestly say as well, as far as everything goes, I don't believe that anyone in my family or any of my trusted friends will ever do anything to harm my children, but I think that even if I might have been wrong, the fact that I've had that conversation, it might deter someone from doing something they might have done if the conversation hadn't taken place.

I know, I know, there is still time to deal with all of this.

Talk about premature parent-to-be worries, hey?

Edit: Here's a blog entry that I read today. I thought it would be a good addition to this post
http://jezebel.com/5992866/dont-call-people-fat-in-front-of-your-kids-unless-you-really-want-to-screw-them-up

Productive Day and Self Timed Mat Photos

Hiya Everyone! Here's some reading music for you :) I really like this song, although, I rarely listen to it. (I really could listen to it every day though :D )

 



Today I have been super productive, which is always a good feeling. In addition to doing the things that I do every day already, (Make the bed, make breakfast and lunch, dishes, hair and makeup etc) I've made some cherry chocolate muffins, which I have been meaning to get around to making FOREVER! And man, I am regretting not getting around to it sooner, because they are SO good! They have a combination of dried cherries, dark chocolate and hazelnuts that is ah-may-zing and that I never would have thought of myself. I ended up giving half the batch to my next door neighbour and one to my mailman because I normally wouldn't  be able to get through a full batch by myself... in hindsight, I may have made an error in giving them away - I think I might be able to get through those ones really quickly.

I also made a recipe that I found on Pinterest which is supposed to be a healthy version of chocolate mousse, made with coconut milk, cocoa powder and some powdered sugar. I don't think my coconut milk was full fat, so it turned out more like chocolate pudding in my opinion - I'm saving it for after dinner, so I'll make my full assessment afterwards (Not that I've dipped my fingers in already while it's been setting... :D)

I also took some maternity photos using the self timer setting on my little point and shoot camera. Considering that I took the photos myself using the self timer, I'm pretty pleased with how they turned out. Here are just a few of the ones that I took, with minimal editing.

Today, I am 34 weeks and 2 days along. Soon, I think that I will post another "pregnancy survey" post.

Some things just don't change

 

 



How has your week been and what have you been up to these days? Are you already looking forward to the weekend like I am?

What I've Learned About Pregnancy So far

Here are some things that I've learned in my experience as a pregnant lady. I'm sure there are TONS of things I've left out or forgotten and that I'll add more as time goes on.

Buy maternity clothes when you need them. I didn't put off buying mat clothes - which I think did WONDERS for my body image during pregnancy. Clothes that fit? Fantastic! Clothes that are too tight? Probably would make you feel like crying. I also slowly stored pre-pregnancy clothes that were getting too snug in bags in the basement so I didn't feel bad about having nothing to wear - even though my drawers were full. Really, I felt better having my drawers mostly empty with a few things I could fit into rather than full drawers and spending tons of time in front of the mirror finding reasons why I couldn't wear a certain clothing item.

You still need to wear pads. Seriously, if you don't have more discharge, you might pee a little when you might not have before.

Take a breather. Let other people do things for you that you would normally do. I don't take out the garbage, bring the laundry baskets to the basement for washing, lift up my printer when I need to get it from the bottom of my closet. I also walk slower and take my time. Not only does it make me feel like I have (sort of) normal lung capacity, but you won't get as many shooting pains in your hips and down your legs when your baby decides it's a good day to be sitting on your siatic nerve.

If you are tired, grumpy and not enjoying your pregnancy, try taking more stuff off of your "To Do" plate and deligate. Deligating is a really wonderful thing.

SPEAK UP! Tell people what you need from them. Whether it be a hug, to just leave you alone or to do a task that you really don't want to do. Or you know, a really fantastic foot rub.

Your back will start to hurt and really gets strained. Go see a chiropractor, massage therapist or accupuncturist, even if you don't go on a regular basis, it could really help.

Your boobs might leak before your baby even arrives. (Or you can squeeze liquid out - but it would probably be better if you don't, I received some advice to not to because it could potentially bring on your milk early and possibly jump start labour, I still have yet to confirm this with my health care provider though. Still, better safe than sorry.)
*Edit since writing this in first draft: I still have yet to confirm this, but in my prenatal classes, your placenta has to be delivered before your milk can come in... 3-5 days after birth. And until your milk comes in, you'll be feeding your baby colostrum. To read about colostrum, check out: http://www.llli.org/faq/colostrum.html It's pretty cool... and again, it shows you how specialized your breast milk is for your baby. (I didn't know until I read on this site that colostrum acts as a laxitive helping your baby to pass early stools. Who knew?)

When you and your baby get bigger and you can feel him/her move more, it's not advisable to watch videos about spiders on Youtube... it's strange to feel your baby move around when you're watching a spider crawl across your computer screen.

It's not necessary to buy everything new. Your baby won't know and won't care if they have expensive brand name clothes or baby gear. All the clothes I bought, my crib and stroller (after checking to see if they met safety standards), sheets, receiving blankets and burp cloths, diaper bag are bought second hand at either Value Village or my local kids consignment store.

The things that I did buy new?

• Car seat for sure. I would never buy a used car seat (unless I knew the people who were giving it to me really well, that if was never in an accident, that it hasn't been recalled, if it comes with the instructions, has no missing parts and the expiration date hadn't passed yet. It is illegal to sell car seats that don't meet current regulatory requirements.
• Breast pump. Some can't be santized from what I understand. Do I really want someone else's old breast milk on my boob or in my babies bottle? No, not really.
• Bottles. I probably could have gotten gently used ones, but again, santitation issues as well as I wanted a "as close to breast feeding" bottles and nipples as I could get.
• My cloth diapers. Another thing that I could have bought used, but preffered to buy new. For me, it would be an issue of not knowing for sure what the previous user washed them with, if they were exposed to anything that might be an irritant as well as a sanitation issue.

Comfortable slip on shoes/boots that are easy to put on will be your best friend

When you're waiting in line for a public washroom, you'll be rushed to the front of the line from women who have been there and know how badly you have to go. (Thank you.)

When you have to eat - you have to eat. No getting around it, get nourishment ASAP. I keep small packages of raisins, mixed nuts and gum or hard candies in my purse and car for those "I need to eat RIGHT. NOW!" moments that kick you in the face. That was I have something healthy (if I go for the raisins or nuts) at my finger tips and I'm not tempted to go through a McDonalds drive thru. I also try to remember to bring a piece of fruit and a bottle of water with me when I go out. (But no one will fault you for getting an Ice Capp or a McFlurry and fries when you get hungry. In fact, most people will just smile at you.)

Your nipples will get *really* big in comparison to your cute pre-pregnancy nipples. Don't worry - they go back to normal eventually.

All the pregnancy "must haves" aren't necessary. One thing I am very happy to own - a big, long pregnancy pillow. BLISS!

I've only gotten a few (very small, nearly unnoticable) stretch marks,now, before you try to smash me into the ground, read this next bit - I've learned that that might be because I've gradually put on the weight and my skin has had more time to adjust to being stretched. Same goes for losing weight apparently - try to lose it gradually. I've heard more than one mama say that she didn't really have stretch marks during pregnancy, lost weight super fast and THEN had stretch marks afterwards. I don't put on lotion every time I get out of the shower. I used to put it on after every shower, but now I only really apply lotion when my skin is particularily dry. I have heard from an esthetitian friend that it *is* much more important to apply a lotion after you have your baby.

Getting in and out of the car is more difficult... only on the passanger side though, I've noticed it's a lot simpler on the drivers side, although I'm not sure why.

It is absolutely the best thing to make friends with other pregnant women. I'm REALLY glad that I've started going to prenatal nutrition and prenatal yoga classes.

You will ALWAYS be amazed when you see your baby in an ultrasound, hear their little heart beating. On my way to my 12 week U/S I was in the WORST mood. It took me three hours to drive from my small town to the hospital I chose in the city, it took FOREVER to find parking (around an hour) because all the lots were full, I couldn't find the right building (there were five at this hospital), there were inconsiderate moms in the hospital who let their small children run amoke that disturbed patients and staff and I REALLY had to pee. Once I was in the examination room and that screen went on, none of it mattered. I was seeing my baby (!!!), who had changed A LOT from the blob she was since I saw her last at 6 weeks. She was moving and kicking - she had a fantastic and well defined nose (a really good sign according to the person preforming my U/S) It was amazing. I may have went in pissed off, but I came out beaming so hard, my face hurt.

It is *really* important to have a health care provider that you like, doesn't make you feel rushed, answers your questions and fully and in detail, and who doesn't take your concerns lightly. And it's REALLY nice when they are easy to get a hold of. (The doctor who performed my D&C told me that when I got pregnant again to call his office to make an appointment with him - no referal necessary. So when I got pregnant again, I called. Every time I called, his receptionist said he'd already gone home, she hadn't seen him so far or that he had the day off. By the time she did eventually talk to him and called me back, she told me that I'd have to go to my family doctor and get a referral. *insert your choice of words here* This is not what a woman who has had a miscarrage wants to hear - especially if she's been told to call and that no referral would be necessary.

It's important to enjoy it. Your body is AMAZING! You are growing a person!

Oh, The Changes One Year Can Bring

It was something that was said at my baby shower, "It's amazing the changes one year can bring..." and it's true. It's AMAZING.

In the past year, one of my girlfriends pointed out, that two of us were now pregnant (one of our babies has been born now), one of us got married and another has received her visa and is now a citizen of our beautiful country. (We're glad we get to keep her :D ) All of our years have been full of ups and downs, but the closer I get to my due date, my more profound it is to me.

One year ago today, I would have already known that I was pregnant. My first pregnancy ever. I couldn't wait to share the news. And I didn't feel bad about spreading the word. I told friends, I told my hair stylist from where I used to live, I told pretty much all my family. My cousins, my favourite aunt, my grandparents, mom, dad, sister and brother and the list goes on.

A few weeks from now (last year) I found out I was having a miscarrage. And after that, I would find out that the pills that were supposed to help my body "clear things out" and recover from my miscarrage more quickly didn't work - and that I was still technically pregnant with a child that would never be.

One month after the beginning of my miscarrage, I went to the hospital with a few loved ones and underwent day surgery. A D&C since my body couldn't get expel the fetal tissue by itself. A month of being "pregnant"

I can tell you, that there were lots of tears, some anxiety, shock and a delayed (albeit short) stint of depression. I remember talking to my sister on the phone shortly after my D&C and saying that I felt fine mentally, and *really* I was okay. I remember her on the other end quiet... and then said gently, "Oh honey, it hasn't hit you yet..." I remember thinking,  (I might have even rolled my eyes a little) "Hasn't hit me? It's not going to, I'm fine." And little did I know, it hadn't hit me yet - I was just in shock. And THEN the emotions and crying came.

Waves and waves of emotions and crying. After one wave would pass, I'd feel great and think, "Okay! That was the end of that, let's move on with life." And then shortly after, another wave would come rolling in and it felt like the undertow would take me below the surface and I couldn't breathe. I would panic and start to wonder when this would end. I got tired of thinking that maybe I was okay, just to be knocked on my ass again. Eventually, I just expected the waves of sadness to come - and ironically,  when I expected them to come - they stopped. And really, thank goodness, because after a month of going through a miscarrage, surgery and dealing with the loss, I was glad when it was over - even if I did expect another wave to hit me for quite a while.

I think that the volunteer work that I did, the time I spent outdoors for the spring/summer and getting a new dog really helped to pull me though, along with the amazing support I had despite being so far away from home and my family.

And today, I am 32 weeks pregnant and going into my 33rd week. My little girl is rolling around and throwing punches - and she is REALLY strong. And *really* active. It hits me almost every day that in a few short weeks I'll be strapping her into the carseat (which I'm going shopping for today) and taking her home - it's such a wonderful thought and I can't wait until that day is realized.

The difference this past year has made is huge and profound. How I went from mourning the loss of a child that I would never meet to anticipating the arrival of another - I can't even begin to explain. The transformation and how far I've come. From sorrow and having no interest in even thinking about starting to try and have a family; and then starting to be okay with the possibility of trying again; and then going through the process of being prenant - even with the doubt and anxiety and frequent visits to the doctor and having to get ultrasounds early on to feel like this really might happen. Really getting from that low point to being at peace with the way things are.

I can look back at me and my situation a year ago, and not be sad or cry or feel like something is missing. (I feel like I've started rambling since the beginning of the last paragraph, so maybe I should wrap it up... it's clear in my head how I feel, but I'm not sure I have the words to express it clearly...)

I guess, if I could tell me from one year ago anything, it would be that everything will work itself out and you will be okay. Those waves will come and and feel like you're being pulled out to sea, but you're heading somewhere new and wonderful... but for heavens sake girl, keep that life jacket strapped on tight, and make sure you don't lose your bikini!