Body Image - (My) New Mom Perspective

I know there is a HUGE range of perspective on the new mom and body image, and I know that we often hear about the negatives. The stretch marks, the extra belly skin, how NONE of our clothes fit, how our tits HURT!

And the list goes on.

My experience is quite different from the tales we so often hear. Like much of my pregnancy, life post pregnancy for me has been quite easy.

My stuff
stretch marks? Yes.
Still wearing mat pants? Nope.
Two pairs of pre-preg pants. Sometimes my pre-preggo jeans.
Still have a bit of a paunch.

Feeling good
Eating healthy (for the most part)
I was resting for quite some time, partially thanks to my c-section infection and time needed to heal. It was PRET-TY bad!
Perspective. The weight won't stay on forever. My priority is being mama and not losing weight and getting back into shape so shortly after giving birth.

During my pregnancy I gained 38 pounds. 20 pounds of that I lost in the hospital. 9 pounds of that was baby, the rest was fluids, water weight (that went straight to my boobs) and placenta. I lost 10 pounds pretty quickly by breastfeeding, but as I said previously, I had a c-section, so I had to take it easy. Then my incision got infected (while I was still in hospital. Yes, I brought up with all nurses and anyone who came into my room that it felt weird, everyone said it was fine... until I walked into the ER 11 days later... turns out, I was right, there was something weird!) so I had to take it easy for much longer.

Right now, I am 5-ish pounds away from my pre-preggo weight. And I'm not sweating about it. My priority is still being a mom rather than getting back into shape. I don't want to be fixated about a number on a scale.

Today, I woke up feeling tired, but a few minutes into the morning, I felt awesome. I felt energized, I fit into my pre-preggo jeans, my babe slept until 8:45 in contrast to her normal 6:30, I got my makeup done. And I had a good poop. Yup, I said it, deal with it.

Most days, I feel pretty good. Some days I wake up feeling exhausted and I really don't know how I'm going to get through the day. Most of the time it's with coffee and ice coffee. How I feel about my body image changes with each of those feelings. For the most part, I'm super comfortable and confident about my body.

My body is freaking awesome. I grew a child. I never felt more beautiful than when I Was pregnant. I felt freaking gorgeous, and I think that showed. And well, I still feel pretty awesome. I feel pretty... and, I have to say, I have the cutest kid ever. How can I EVER hate anything about my body when it housed her, kept her safe and nurtured her?

Yes, I have stretch marks, I have a scar above my pubic bone, I still have a bit of a mummy tummy.

My body is the only one I have and I have made a choice to love my body. The way it is right now. Flaws and all. Because the way it is right now, is perfect in my daughters eyes. And I want to take a lesson from her, to teach her a very important lesson later on. That our bodies are beautiful the way they are. I don't want her to hear me say "I'm fat and ugly and wrong." Because she will believe it, and she will learn it, and she will live it.

I want my daughter to learn the lesson later, that she already knows now. Her mommy's body is perfect the way it is. And so is hers.

Contemplating Parenting Issues That Are Years Away

The first thing that I have to say is that I abolutely fucking LOVE this guy. This video is amazing, and I really think that it's worth watching the whole thing.

The next thing that I want to talk about is parenting issues. Ironically, the parenting issues that I've been thinking more and more about are things that I won't come across for years. Some of them are just a few years away, others, are probably about a decade away. Every now and then I read, see or hear about something that makes me wonder how I would confront the same situation with my children so that they can be happy, well adjusted, learn how to confront and deal with problems in a healthy and productive way. I think about how I can talk to my children so that their self image doesn't become skewed or distorted. So they can be confident and know that it isn't what others say or think that matters, how have faith that what they think and believe about themselves is what matters. That no matter what, they know that they are loved and that their parents and family members will ALWAYS be there for them, if they are hurting, need a little guidance or have done something wrong.

http://www.rachelsimmons.com/2012/01/mom-im-fat-one-mothers-inspired-response-to-her-7-year-old/I don't want my children to think that they are fat or stupid or weird just because someone in their school or play group made an off-handed comment. I don't want them to be told that what they want to be is 'unrealistic' and given reasons on why they can't do what they want to do.

I remember when I was in grade 8, I wanted to be an actor. I *loved* drama class, I loved putting on one person shows at home and I loved being the centre of attention. I remember that when a friend of my mom and step dad (at the time) came over for a visit, I was asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

I remember that when I replied proudly, "I want to be an actor!" how he sat at the dining room table and told me in great detail why being an actor wasn't a good career path to follow and that he used to want be an actor and on and on and on. I was so discouraged after he made this HUGE and longwinded case on why I shouldn't do what I wanted to do that it was almost the last thing that I wanted to be.

I remember that after that situation, the only person who told me that the only person who had the power to tell me that I can or can't do something that I want to do was me and that if I wanted to be an actor, I should presue it. Sadly, that didn't really encourage me and I never did become the actor that my 13/14 year old self wanted to be. I still did have a love for acting and participated in theatre groups and went to a preforming arts school, but now I wonder what might have happened if my mom or step dad had said something to their friend or countered the issue right then and there. (To be fair to my parents, I don't remember them sitting at the table with us when this conversation was going on and I don't think they were in the same room, so they might not have known right away that this conversation was even going on.)

I often think about my ability to keep them safe. (and in every case, I know that I have to let them be independant and learn how to do things on their own and trust that they will always come back to me when they need help)

I particularily worry about sexual abuse or various abuse from family members or people who are close to us and whom we might not ever suspect. A lot of that comes from myself and my own past - since I was molested at a young age from an older cousin and raped by an ex-boyfriend in my teens. From family history, I know that abuse most times happens from someone that you know and trust. And in an effort to help ease my own discomforts, maybe just for the time being, I've had really honest conversation with many family members and friends that if there is ANY signs of abuse to my children, that those signs will be followed and charges will be filed and there will be punishment through proper channels. I have to honestly say as well, as far as everything goes, I don't believe that anyone in my family or any of my trusted friends will ever do anything to harm my children, but I think that even if I might have been wrong, the fact that I've had that conversation, it might deter someone from doing something they might have done if the conversation hadn't taken place.

I know, I know, there is still time to deal with all of this.

Talk about premature parent-to-be worries, hey?

Edit: Here's a blog entry that I read today. I thought it would be a good addition to this post
http://jezebel.com/5992866/dont-call-people-fat-in-front-of-your-kids-unless-you-really-want-to-screw-them-up